~

skabuck @ 2007-11-27T21:05:00

2007-11-27T22:17:06Z

you sicken me, you really do.

Not only has my slight headache progessed into a full on migrain but the shit you have caused has meant my family are feeling the same way and have had to cancel important plans to deal with you and your families shit.

You then have the nerve to try and call me yourself, being all sweetness and light down the phone. I adore my mother for hanging up on you.

I feel psyically sick right now because of all the stress you manage to cause. You are the most selfish and deluded person i've ever had the misfortune of meeting.

For once things were looking up better between my parents and i and you come and fuck it up when things like this could have easily been settled between us.

But fucking lol at how much you and your family keep changing your stories/facts each time we speak with them.

You shouldn't have started shit like this when you know just how many people are already baying for your blood.

I do feel slightly bad because you do need psychological help but thats not my concern anymore.

Oh tragic....

2007-11-22T21:02:08Z

Next time, call me yourself you spineless fuck! Don't get your mother to call me up, demand close to £400 pounds on the spot, threaten me with legal action and bailiffs, have her tell me not to run my car and sell whatever i own to pay you back, have her threaten to get my parents involved when it really does not concern them.

Yes, i told her there is a lot about you she does not know and briefly mentioned the appalling way you have treated us...this did stop her in her tracks a little.

How fucking dare she think she has the right to talk to me the way she did. I am not some naive little child who will bow down to her vile temper and upper class voice.

Honestly, you can fuck off for some of what i "owe" you...all the times when i told you no, i can't yet you went and did it anyway.

Oh, and apparently you have been texting me regularly to get this sorted...thats the first i've heard of it.

Thanks for dropping this on me and giving me till tuesday to find £100 when i barely have enough to get me to college and work. Thanks for making me sacrifice paying some to my mum for when she helped me out when i was out of work, thanks for putting a whole load of things on hold that wasn't for me but for other people.

You are a horrible person and the sooner you are out of this country (or off this planet) the better.

So, if any of you out there have been screwed over by this cunt please let me know. I need to make a list and send a letter. The more details the better.

A bit of a perk up though....this is now mine

well, it will be once its released. Thanks ma =]

artistic sigh

2007-11-20T22:16:56Z

I should not have to hear this chap talk about art...like, ever. It unleashes the fangirl im so very ashamed to say =/

yeah, its been out there a while but i finally scored some time to watch/my pc didn't bend over and take one for the team half way through.
My epic just FAIL when the brief art history lesson starts...i have Gloria instead for my real art history lesson tomorrow. She is easily distracted however.

I really should be doing homework. I kind of am, doing some illustrator research online...it is not the work i should be doing. Like, actual drawing stuff. I have had a hard day of drawing a nekkid ladee in time spans of 3 mins down to 10 seconds. It was a good lesson =]

I now find myself wanting to include Lord Jeb in the list of illustrators who i believe portray charactrisation well and get to use their style for practice...its pretty true, i think he does a fucking good job. God knows i wouldn't be such an epic fangirl as i actually am if he held no talent in the art field.

Why am i turning into such an obsessed fangirl when they have just left and are done for a while?

Why am i being a fangirl at all?

ps. im sorry if i've done something even though i don't know what it could be. I love you and couldn't stand the thought of having you mad at me or annoyed with me.

Kids & Heroes

2007-11-17T00:39:57Z

I kind of don't want to make this entry as emo as im feeling right now but it may well decend into it come the latter part of it.

As much as i would like to say i have been off on tour again this week, 2 shows a tour does not make.

Thanks to my parents "putting their foot down" i was ordered to be home by wednesday or start looking for somewhere else to live. It was called a lesson in responsibility despite the fact that i go to college, have a job, pay rent at home and run my own car. Yes, im completely irresponsible. I mourned over this all week and plan to for a while yet.

Strap yourselves in, its kind of long

So, saturday = me picking up shivz to start our travels up to Newcastle. This was after my parents gave me the ultimatum (yes, the morning i was going) and a lot of hxc crying from me. Meet up with the fail in Birmingham and we leave a potential bomb scare in the city...or give a tramp a new home. Quick stop off in the delights of Stafford for supplies and coffee and we for real start the 3/4 hour drive up north. We do tend to have the best road trips. It normally centres on us being crude, offensive, epic sing-a-longs and chowing down. Much like life anyway but on wheels.

I geek out a bit on the approach as we go past the Angel of the North sculpture. Im rather fond of Antony Gormley so this was a treat for me. Something about Chem tours and me getting to see art i love (brighton, march 07 and pulling an emergency stop to go see some of Banky's work on the side of a pub lol).

Rock up to the arena in the rather cold and very windy city. Bill Bailey was on that night, we got excited, we thought it may have been Riannah. Jeb would have been gutted to miss that innit?
So, its like 8pm the day before the show and....shiv and i are numbers 19 and 20 in line. WTF?! When did this happen? Where were all these kids back in March?! Where were they ever?!?!
Camp is set up for the night and we have to deal with racist james and his mouth that never stops. He was an annoying little fucker. Not that you would know from Shivz reaction lol.
Get a bit rained on in the early hours of the morning and more and more kids, actual kids, arrive. All in TBP merch. Like they would own anything else.
Just an eventful day of us having lolz, being the queue entertainment and realising we are not the circle of elitism, we are the cirle of fail. Dang.

First show of tour and despite us being the furthest down a queue we have ever been we be barrier. My excitement for MSI is immense. I think you all know how much and for how long i have bummed them. Im thankful for getting the chance to see them as much as i have =]
Awesome set results in raving safe and going off. Throwing our "mad box" sign to Lyn-Zed resulted in lolz. Mainly in her looking all shocked/i can't believe you did that, then lol-ing and doing it back to us and saying "i don't know what that means" lol, i bet you and your child crushing thighs don't madam! /sarcasm

Lol at kids getting pulled out before MCR...hell, before even MSI came on. Man alive. Been rather excited to see these fails even though it had only been a few weeks since we had seen them last. It feels like an age since we saw them on our own home turf!
Had everything crossed that they would play some Bullets material as they had been doing at the Europe dates. They once more pulled Honey and Headfirst out of the bag. It made me tear up as it was so good to hear these again after resigning myself that Bullets tracks may never be played live again. I screamed myself sick pretty much.
The whole show i was getting a little teary eyed. Knowing this is the last tour here for x amount of time, being with people i love and who get it just as much as i do. Yeah, emotional.

And lol at you as usual Jeb ""Look at all these jewels & treasures. You're all my little treasures... my little gems & rubies. You're all my little rubies. I just wanna take you and polish you up real good & put you in the pocket of my tight pants..."

God bless you Lord/Dame Way =]

We depart pretty fast after show and start down towards Sheffield. Aberdeen would have been suicide to attempt after little sleep and far too many miles to attempt to cover. We end up being the first people there at 3am monday morning. The Foos are playing that night and even they don't have any fans waiting. MCR fans be slightly touched in the head...or if under 9yrs old, touched by jeb...

By the afternoon jo, rosie and kayleigh arrive to join us. Jo and Kayleigh decide to queue inside the venue...by going to see Foo Fighters. Yeah, bit jealous there. Also joined by Lauren and Amy who i haven't seen in faaaar too long =] How we all squished in the car i'll never know. Camp is set up once more and the queue doesn't exactly grow much for hours. Most of the day of the show its pretty quite =/

After managing to score a standing ticket from the box office and getting lost in Sheffield for an hour its show time...despite being the 1st in line, there for over 24 hours a cock-up with the doors and people telling us where to go results in us being a row or so from the front. Not funny really.

Rave it up during MSI who i think are just awesome once again. I do love that Lyn-Zed has been showing no fear and still going into the crowds to do her thing. I take it as a kind of "fuck you" to all those who have a problem with her *cough*racistjames*cough*. Im kind of smitten with how Kitty plays. Lol at the guy behind us being all "And thats his missus..." when Kitty came on stage. Win.

After too many cold, pretty sleepless nights on the streets, a wealth of driving and not really eating or drinking anything i did not have the strength mentally or physically to cope with the crowd especially when kids today have no pit etiquette. I decided i would rather be more side stage, actually see and enjoy the show than fearing for my life every couple of minuets. You can call me a pussy all you like but i know i can hold my own in a pit usually. I was just exhausted. I did have to go out and miss almost a whole song to wash my face and down some water. How i didn't throw up and pass out i don't know.

Fail at Frank/Allison not being there. I really hope all is well and things pick up for him/his family. Im not one to buy into or get dragged into the rumors. I hate how people can be so quick to turn on this band sometimes.
It did fail that they were 2 members down but it can't be helped and they went on with the show. Amazement at Mikey/Invisiway actually speaking to the crowd. Whats going on with the world?! He was looking very old school mikey at times too. That brought the joy.

Thankfully they did still play Headfirst. Had thought they may drop the Bullets tracks due to being Frank-less. Fucking lose at them closing with Famous Last Words. My last show of theirs, being the furthest back i've been (except for the BJ, NJ show), separated from my friends and they say goodbye with a song that means the whole effing world to me. I wept like a baby girl =[ and then fled the arena as soon as possible to weep to myself a little more.

We drive down to London for the possibility of The Umbrella/Fail Academy signing and to take some of my failz down for the o2 show...

A pretty epic drive down, i only manage to score a half an hour sleep and drive like someone possessed listening to MSI full blast. How everyone else managed to sleep through it i don't know. Fearful driving through central London and we get to Forbidden Planet at around 7am-ish...there has already got to be 100+ people there. Thinking it is still just an hour we decide against queueing. Its not like i've never met Jeb/Lord Way before plus no time to say anything of any intrest/worth to him about the thing so not exactly crushed. I think it would have been quite awkard too. Yeah, its only like a 10 second thing...but what would you say or do?
We did however park up next to the queue and mockerize. We actually felt bad for him. Its been stated how he wants this and the band separate...not a chance kiddo. The line was full of squealing fangirls all in ~~mcr~~ TBP merch, who probably had no real idea about the comic and were only there because of who the writer was. Not one of them looked like they could have been a genuine comic book fan/geek. Sad times.
Lol at the truancy dept. of the police turning up...boo at them not being able to do anything aside from keep the queue in order. Yay at London's only nice traffic warden telling me i did not need a ticket if i was just going to be sat in my car, boo at his collegue who took over (and looked the same...) and started to write out a ticket for me. Noooo sir! Said if i got a ticket it would be fine. 7 hours parking for 40p instead of £70, thats a bit of winothy.

And so, it comes to me parting with my friends to return home and for them to go on to the o2 and finish the tour. The second i was out Shivz front door i was in tears, and for the 3 hour drive home too...and them i fell asleep at the wheel a few times. Yeah, doing that on the motorway going 70mph isn't so great =/
So, finally home and after my parents being all "we want you back on this date, make sure you are!" they are out and dont get back till midnight. I pretty much did nothing the next day at college either.

Im having times when i think im ok with missing that last show but more than not im gutted especially now im hearing reports about the show.

I miss that i couldn't be with all my friends to sing and weep and mockerize along to our final show, that i missed the last English show by mere hours yet could get out to NJ to see them when i needed to, that i hadn't been prepared nor ready to say goodbye to my friends and that band.

I despise that my parents just don't get it and that they keep using "its just a band" line. Its really not though. Its a chance to be with the people i love and care about, its about us finding something to connect to with each other and the music. Its fucking therapy and you cut my session short.

I have met the best people i could have ever hoped to through this band, felt a connection and sense of belonging like never before, had my life and views changed, been given inspiration, gotten to see the majority of my home country and a lot of other parts of the world. All because of this band and im fucking grateful.

Yes, im going to miss them and everything they bring so, so much. There should be a 12 step programme to learn how to cope. But im not losing faith in them. God knows they more than anyone need a break from all this. I don't want them to run themselves into the ground.

Im just going to wait it out, let the chem fund build up and do it all harder and better when the time comes around.

And so my failing gets worse

2007-11-03T16:50:44Z

How would you describe the kids that love your band?

Extremely creative, intelligent, expressive and very individual, aside from liking to wear black. They come from all over the place, and in their hometown they're probably the only kid who looks like that, but when they get to our show they're all the same. One of the best compliments I can get from one of them is, "I met my best friend at one of your shows," or, "I met my best friend networking on the Internet, trying to get to your show." That's cool, because I didn't have that. I couldn't find any NOFX fans in my area.

How bad is it that that part of the interview made me weep like a small child...and then get all happy and a bit smug?

Plus, it made me realize that despite all the shit i am dealing with right now that goes on i have some amazing people in my life because of this band.

Man alive!

Plus, the NOFX comment makes me a ton of happy too. If only i were getting to see them this week, tonight in my home city =[ I've lost sight a bit of everything that got me into this whole scene, my old more punk roots. Shame.

I have a bit of rage at my mother spilling to my step dad as to just why i am going to see my doctor next week.

Thanks ma.

oh its been a long time coming...

2007-10-14T18:30:53Z

honest to god...why would you spread the shit you do?

How can you come out with the lies you do and to people who trust you? These people who think you are all friends and that, well, a friend wouldn't lie to you. Thats not what friendship is.

I feel for the people who class themselves as your friends now as you are abusing that trust and taking them for a ride and they will be the ones getting hurt. Just some more people to add to your ever growing and already substantial list.

Why would you think it is a good idea, that nothing would come back to bite you in the ass to state the things you did? Make us look like the bad guys didn't you?
Like once more, poor little Kate (yes, names have been used. I don't give a fuck anymore) has been hard done by yet again. That people have used her and then just turned their backs on her.

If it keeps happening kid, maybe the problem isn't with everyone else. Maybe, just maybe, the problem is with you.

Not to get all court of law style on this, but we actually have evidence to prove the things you are saying to be complete bullshit. The only person that ever abused their parents credit card was you my dear. No matter how many times any of us said no, its not right.

I know for a fact that you used me on occasions. I was convenient wasn't i? Funny how you decide to contact me when you are in my part of the country. When you think you would have been able to work your ~~magic~~ lies and make me just forgive you and pander to your whims again. Im not that stupid kid. It may have taken me longer than i would care to admit, but i have finally seen what it is you do.
The fact that you only tried to win me back and not Siobhan only proves the point that you were using me. Is she capable of carting you around the country? No, so why bother trying to make amends with her.

Oh, and supposedly being told by someone with a mere hint of fame to win me back...when this person had not exactly been giving you the time of day? It doesn't really add up does it?

Enjoy your "trip" to the US too? Funny how all of a sudden your sidekick takes pretty damn good photos. Photos that seem, i don't know, kind of generic? Pretty tourist based images you could find on any search engine. You don't pop up in any of them and you, talking about yourself, all the famous people who just love you and are friends with you have always been hobbies of yours. The fact that such a close of yours can't be 100% sure if you even went just seals it for me.

How i wish i could take back saving your ass over your graduation problem. After the shit you pulled the night before, why the fuck did i bother? My problem? I do actually care about my friends and don't want them in trouble or hurt or upset. To me, friends are an extension of family and i'll do anything for them. Shame i had to live by this rule with someone who only ever thought of themselves.
The fact that you shamelessly lied to your mother about what was going on...i couldn't take hearing her so upset over the phone. I understand she may not be the greatest mother on the planet, but she (and the rest of your family) doesn't deserve that kind of shame and disappointment that their daughter misses her own graduation because she got fucked out of her head the night before, said hurtful things to people who have stuck by her through so much other shit and generally behaved in a disgusting manner.

I didn't feel like you were grateful in the slightest for what i did that day. The mother of all hangovers, probably still way over the alcohol limit for driving and pushing the 100mph barrier all the way there. Had we gotten pulled over...i could have kissed my license away and probably even had some jail time. Still, you wouldn't have a use for me anymore then. What would you care?

The one thing im maybe pissed off the most at? People may find it stupid but im kicking myself for it. How many hours did i spend on a piece of art work for you? I was terrified you would hate it. People know how weird and petrified i get about people seeing/criticizing my work and i put everything i had into in. Barely days later it all starts going to shit between us. Seeing as bonfire night is not too far away...please use it in yours. I'd rather those hours and effort be burnt away forever than know that it is in your possession. I don't if you don't even have it anymore, it will just confirm everything i thought/have heard about you.

You can keep painting us as the bad people in this picture but we all know the truth. Even those you class as friends know the actual truth and they are just humoring you. Im thankful that my name wasn't as sullied as i thought it would have been through associating with you. Its nice to know that the people you were a complete bitch about/too are nice people who don't judge me, who see me as, i hope, i good person despite clinging onto you in the past.

The last couple of weeks i have realized just who i care about, who my true friends are, those who are worthy of the effort i put into friendship like i did with you and would do the same for me without even thinking about it. There are also new friends in my life who were once damned to hell by you, but im finding them pretty fucking special too.

I can't wait for the next installment of how vicious we are, what terrible friends we were to you and whatever other lies you can come up with now. Its better than a soap opera. I just feel for all the people you are going to subject things like this too again.

hai change of pace

2007-10-09T00:08:47Z

It so fucking good when amongst all the bad, all the lies, deceit and double crossing you find some good and pure fucking win.

I really think i have found the people i was meant to be friends with all along.

These kids are pure effing gold, king size win. Congratulations, you make me not want to put a bullet through my skull. Believe me, thats a real compliment.

Gushing, emo ramblings over. I love you kids.

i hope you choke on those words

2007-10-08T02:02:21Z

oh hai dere 3am and i cannot sleep despite getting to bed at 5am yesterday after work and being woken at 10.30am by the phone and then not being able to go back to sleep. Whats up with this?! Its not like i've had a shed load of coffee to justify it.

I reckon its just thinking about too much stuff in general.

How im missing my friends constantly, dreading when my folks come back off holiday because i love having the place to myself, wondering what to do in my confusing situation, needed to get inked again so very badly, wondering why people make up such blatant and huge lies to keep/make friends when it has done nothing but cost them pretty much every friendship they have ever had. Does it feel good to know that some people who are still hanging around you,for unknown reasons, are being lied to on a huge scale nearly all the time?

I had been semi willing to maybe hear you out last week. But surprise, surprise when you moved on and the promise of contact came to nothing. I found out more things about you and im so glad you realized there was nothing in it for you with contacting me. Lose my number, i've already lost yours.

At least 5 pieces of ink all planned up in my head but curses for not having the time or $ to get any done. Well, maybe a couple ~ Heres to working on my portfolio, getting an apprenticeship and then being able to practice/work on my own ink myself.

I have seen the life i want.

skabuck @ 2007-09-22T14:54:00

2007-09-22T13:59:25Z

So, it actually felt cold this morning. Real, actual coldness. I was so excited.

I cannot wait to go get new gloves and scarf and...well, i want a beret real bad. Hai Accessorize, Hai art student in a beret.

Is it bad i have my winter outfits planned in my head already?

My favourite season is close at hand.

Oh, and effing fangirly joy at Dashboard supporting Maroon 5. Im already there =]

ARGH, MY TEEFZ!!!

2007-08-18T11:59:11Z

aaaarrrgggghhhhh!!!! I've got some epic toof pain. I blame something hard and sharp while i was chowing down the other night. I think its more my gum rather than toof but it still hurts and is bloody annoying =[

Yeah, i think dentists are made of evil and there is now way in this lifetime im going to them about this. Im just gonna keep slapping on the bongela and having paracetamol, numbs the pain.

I remembered/got sent my Dandyman password for myspaz. Right now im trying to come up with a decidedly fruity enough background for him and his bunch of slightly queer super hero buddies and finishing the page off to get it up and running.

Sometimes i think im going a bit too far with it all. I need to come up with stories/situations now im pretty much done with getting the characters down.

Its good to have a hobby right? Even if it is down right wrong, possibly offensive to many, completely rips the piss out of people i do actually admire (not that you'd ever be able to tell).

Fun times.

It may extend to here too just cause i love to spread the Dandyman love...as does he...and Superdave...that casanova!

xo

skabuck @ 2007-08-14T11:53:00

2007-08-14T11:05:33Z

I really don't think i can keep doing this. I do not have the energy.

I really know i shouldn't...not again

2007-08-13T10:02:24Z

I've been really, really toying with the idea of getting back in touch with someone. Just to be civil and a nice person. I don't like holding grudges.

The amount of times the last couple of weeks i've been sat with a message typed out in front of me, just hovering over the send button. Im yet to go through with it. Im scared of getting a nasty reply, a nice one, no reply, any reply really.

Im sick of just thinking about all the bad that has happened. Its not like i really want to go back to how it used to be. I don't want to give that much of myself back to them again. I just want to be able to see them on the street again and just say hey, to not get fear of having to deal with them when out buying milk, to not break down in tears cause they are at the same club as i and in my drunken state get fear that they'll want to start something with me or be talking shit about me to others.

Ok, so that doesn't really paint a good picture of wanting to be not even friends, just civil, with someone. I like to think im a good person and this is something a good person would do right?

I get the whole just forget and move on thing, it doesn't seem to be happening though. Maybe if i just had this civilness as a form of closure it might work.

God, friendship (or lack thereof) is hard work.

Also, i feel kind of bad and i don't really know how to resolve a situation. In short, he really, really seems to like me. Me? Im really, really not so sure.

He's a sweet guy, kind, we get along well, share intrests (but he doens't have love for lily allen or gallows. What?! Weird combination but it works for me). Its been nice to have this kind of attention. Its been a while and guys lately have just seemed to be made of fail. So yeah, it was nice to meet someone decent for once.
Meeting up yesterday seemed to confirm it for me. He's hoping for something that ain't gonna happen. Its just not there for me, i don't think it will be.
Im not sure how to get out of/address the situation. I feel really bad about it but i can't force something that isn't there.

Just to stress again, i hate confrontation/just talking to people =[

xo

skabuck @ 2007-08-12T01:09:00

2007-08-12T00:51:39Z

Fuckin huzzar for a random little grocers in stafford selling effing kool ade!!!! And for like 20p a sachet. I brought that shit up this afternoon. Oh yeahz. I flailed pretty hardxcore and neither my mum nor the lady in the shop could understand why. Pfft, whatevz.

This amount of failure with my laptop is really getting on my last nerve. My folks don't seem to get why im so angry with it all. Um, how about it not being right since march, i've tried to get it sorted but have exhausted all my options. I can see me needing to replace it. How, i dunno.

Oh yeah, got on the illustration course. So pugging happy about that! Still haven't told my parents...fail. Things had been going kind of sweet with my folks, lately though its gone down hill again. I don't have the energy for it all.

I've had the most god forsaken headache all day. Its too effing warm for my liking and staring at this screen ain't helping.

One last thing. I have another little meeting, after pretty much constant texting, with Download boy. I hate how half the time im pretty excited about it all and the rest of the time talking myself out of it. More fail. It was kinda sweet that he just had to see me before i dissapear to the us. We'll see eh?

I've created a monster..a big gay flamboyant monster

2007-07-13T10:07:29Z

Guh, the amazing-ness that is Dandyman is quickly taking over my life. For some reason my sketchbook is not in my bag today and i feel rather naked without it. Im going have to get something to doodle on while im out and drinking coffee. It just won't do.

I seem to be putting far too much effort into this creation but i am rather serious about him. He's special to me, i created him...in a sense. I may be too late to join the illustration course at college so im seeing just how far i can take this off my own back.

He is driving me a little insane though. Yesterday was a lost cause. Curse you Dandyman!!

We go to Scotland for no-one!! ... ok, so we're lying

2007-07-02T10:07:31Z

3 MCR shows within 6 weeks and they're not like touring here or shit. I like the whole "only a 2 week break between shows" thing. I feel like we've been spoiled though and will now somehow have to cope for about 5-ish months till we get another dose =[

I have great anticipation for Saturday. Wembley was awesome but i keep thinking about my rage and how a lot of Muse fans reacted and it keeps raining on my wembley parade a little. Plus, cause its gonna be the last show for a little while, im going to savour it like you wouldn't believe.
Is it just me who wants to go all "crazy make-up" cause thinks it would be lol worthy? Can we really embarrass ourselves any further? I think the answer there is no. We do have more eyes on us now though.

An unholy amount of hours on a coach with a couple of my favourite people. People who make me laugh so hard i just want to die, its painful and i can't breath. I adore every second we've spent out on the streets because of our dedication (obsession/stupidity/lack of will power - delete as applicable), i love it possibly a bit more than the actual shows. I don't think we will actually make it to Scotland. With how we act when we get together, i foresee us pissing off everyone who dares travel with us. I hope there are some people with a sense of humor, its lacking in a lot of people these days.

I find it a bit sad that it seems to be just us 3 who are still going, who have banded together. If im completely honest though, its kind of nice. No drama, no point scoring, just many lolz and people i feel comfortable with.

Im feeling like i might just explode from happy, giddy, exciteable joy. I know im going to feel pretty low after sat, it always happens after the whole build up to the show...that and the fact i will be separated from my friends again.

Why, you pansys, why must you put us throw such emotional trauma?! You totally make us do it too, we don't actually have any say in the matter.

Roll on Friday when the journey begins, i never feel more at home.

OMGERALD!! MCR queue lolz ahoy!!

2007-06-15T09:41:21Z

Ahh, it starts again. I really shouldn't be here and should be planning what to stuff in my tote bag for a couple of nights on the streets of London with a couple of my most favourite-ist people in the whole, entire world!!

I think im possibly more excited for the waiting part than i am the show. March tour was epic, painful lolz and i loved evey minuet of it. The newer illustrations of mcr is something i am particually looking forward to and those boys better send me more letters too. Its becoming tradition. Im giddy with excitement.

So yesterday it was all in crisis, due to people who suck and inform me at the last minuet i was sure i couldn't go. Ok, after seeing them god knows how many times you would think i would be able to deal with it. Hellz no! Have had my heart set on it and do not deal well with being let down (not getting my way possibly?). Actual tears while in the library and then in Starbucks. I couldn't even enjoy my caramel macciato (totez isn't spelt that way but i don't work there and im not itailian so how should i know!).
Today it has all come together though and due to lovely people who i have sworn to give my first born i get to go see this band that i just can't turn down.

I am slightly disturbed at how much of a problem it seems to be and how much pain and upset (as well as the utter joy, belonging and well, lolz) they cause me.

I don't think i'll ever give up though. I physically can't.

In about 10 hours slags =]

*xo*

DEAD!

2007-03-17T22:14:44Z

Sometimes, i really bloody love how my life decides to pick up a little bit. Sure, i'll be screwed to fuck the week after this but i honestly don't think im going to care. Right now im the happiest i've been in a long, long time and i feel like crying, throwing up, squee-ing and flailing throughout the house...and i love it.

Did i, or anyone who even vaguely knows me, honestly think i would be able to live with just going to one date? ONE DATE?! Tour starts Mon/Tues (i forget) and i can already feel the dispare of them getting into my country, my tiny country, and resigning myself to seeing them just once half way through this tour.

Yeah, that didn't last long. One date has transfored into, well, "4"-ish, so far, open to change, deal or no deal?

I depart tuesday and I FUCKING LOVE MY LIFE!!!!!! but i hate that band BUT I LOVE MY LIFE AND I LOVE THEM REALLY IM JUST BEING BIPOLAR OR SOMETHING, WHATEVZ.

I gotz to make cupcakes, halloween cupcakes no less cause everyday is friggin halloween!

I managed cheese on toast for tea. Just had it. Gotta go to be soon, more g.way ice dancing dreams to come. I hope he wins, he worked hard and deserves it =]

yes, bipolar.

skabuck @ 2007-03-17T17:20:00

2007-03-17T17:49:35Z

hmm, why has it been this last week whenever and whatever i have eaten (but it has been a struggle to actually face wanting to eat anything) i've felt super sick afterwards? Like i may actually hurl sick =/ I feel sick when i think about eating, i feel sick if i don't and then i feel just as sick if i do. WTF please?
I know its not excitement sickness cause i know it doesn't feel like that. I really hope im not getting ill or anything.

I love that i basically have hardly seen my parents this week and have pretty much had the house to myself. *contentedsigh* i <3 my ma like no other but god does it get a strain seeing them all day everyday. Its not healthy. She has felt a little bad about it, she doesn't seem to get i love it when this happens. Tomorrow will be a house full though and i am looking forward to it. Nan and gramps, ma and step dad (well, maybe not stoked about that bit), my big sister and my wee nephew and niece. Ahhh, mothers day =] I must get cracking on the cards, im such a slacker. Im not that odd in that i always get a mothers day card and gift for my grams too am i? Friends have always thought that bizarre of me. Grams (and gramps)has done a fuck load for me though and deserves it.

I've become quite obsessed with bats. They actually own if they are a bugger to sew! My favorite t-shirt in the world (a £5 black and grey stripe one from asda, win!) is dying a death because i always wear it to shows when im always wearing my bouncing souls belt buckle, when im always squished against a barrier and the bastard stars on the buckle pierce the shirt =[ sad times.
Soooo... appliquing bats on it so i can cover/be rid of the holes and have a snazzy "new" shirt. Kinda like the others i've been whipping up this week:

The stripey one was a first go/prototype and im not as pleased with it but i love my halloween cupcake shirt too much =]
Next up is the massacre and reconstruction of my old, much loved white mcr hoodie. The main problem being that i was an art student with a frigging WHITE hoodie. Bad move. Im scared to cut it up though likes its some possible weird kind of voodoo-ness!

It looks a bit more likely that i may just be able to go to a (poooossssiiibbbllllyyy) both London chem dates. I think we all know its just not in my nature to go to one show (no matter who it is) and the thought makes my heart hurt. Fingers crossed kiddies!

Urgh, im off to have a dinner of ibuprofen as my head is starting to rag. Woooo for the dancing on ice final tonight. My dream did not come true. No G.Way in this final. He would have won by a mile too *sigh*

skabuck @ 2007-02-01T18:18:00

2007-02-01T18:22:14Z

FUCKYES!! 2pm tomorrow im in for an hour of pain and blood loss. New ink is going to be mine and i can't bloody wait. Im going to cry like the little emo bitch i am when i finally have this on me. I'll explain the meaning to it (it recently got a little deeper) tomorrow when i have it.

HELLYES!!

OHNOES!!

2007-01-29T17:18:49Z

RRRAAAAA, damn you p-nut jewelry people!!!! I want a Bouncing Souls heart logo charm necklace deelie, i don't want to pay $100 dollars for it though. sadface. Not good times.

My way home is...

2007-01-25T23:33:53Z

Urgh, yet another confrontation with the parents. Well, my mum, i don't consider him a parent to me.
As it started out it was accusing words from her and bitter responses from me. It went on and turned into kind words of concern, my mum calling me pretty (which made me really cry, can't really say why though) and promises to start things over, and not just between us and the family situation.
I love my mum to pieces, i can't imagine being without her. But, if i have to stay in this family unit any longer im going to kill or be killed. I feel she is possibly more on my side, she's picking up on the sly comments and nit picking from my step father. Her roll of the eyes and needing to busy herself while he starts off on whatever tangent it is this time tells me she knows how i feel and what im putting up with.

Thankgod im getting to stay at my sisters this weekend. Just me, big sis and her kids (well, tis 7pm and after bedtime stories the vodka makes a welcome appearance!) and i just can't wait. Mum has told her shes worried about me so i know my big sis will want to know if im ok and i just know i'll end up spilling everything out to her. Hopefully it will make me feel better.

Im thinking of making birmingham my new home. Apartment/room prices are no where near as bad as i was expecting. I do love that city, still close to my family but it has a life, a heartbeat, a pulse, plus, i'll be out of "home". I really need to and at getting ever closer to 23, i think its time (not that its exactly been my fault its taken this long).

Im secretly hoping that after wearing my heart on my sleeve in front of my sister, that with her big ass house, spare rooms and pervious words of "if you ever need anywhere to stay..." she'll let me do just that while i sort things out. I can hope.

ARRGGHHH for having to change doctors, arrgghh for having to have a new patient examination, arrgghh for me joking to mum that "ohnoes!!they'rearegonnastickmewithneedlesandgivemeabloodtestassonasigetthere!!" and she says "actually, they probably will do a blood test". I've never seen the blood from my face drain so quick or felt that sick in my life. Well, coupled with the fact that i haven't had any jabs or shots in the past 10 years so i have that to look forward too as well. I fucking hate injections, no good can come of them. Pfft, im totally not scared...
Fuck. Oh and whats even better is that i have to pee into a little bottle for them too. Hoo-bloody-raa!!

Im going to let the thought of pirate games with my nephew, feeds with my just over a month old neice and coffee and amazing cake with my big sister lull me to sleep instead of thoughts of razor sharp needles and the fact that i should have been seeing fob this week...
Fuck.

Im A Hopeless Romantic!

2007-01-11T21:40:40Z

Not so emo entry alert!!!

Fuck, i'd kind of forgotten just how much i fucking adore The Bouncing Souls! They make my face hurt from smiling while i sing along. Awesome memories of being tanked in Cardiff last April, in a tiny, hot, dirty, stickey floored club amongst my own kind dancing like a freak and the lighting in the venue getting totalled by the crowd and the band, less than 3ft away, really not knowing what to do. Fuckin A!!!
Excuse me while i reminice...

Roll on Feb 9th!

Just killin' time...

2006-10-28T19:00:06Z

So, a couple of little fun things to keep me busy for all of 5 mins robbed offa Amz cause i thought they were cool and im lame.

iTunes
How many songs?
2235 items, 5 days, 7.73GB

Sorted by song title, the first and last songs:
'Cuz i can - Pink
Zero Mechanism - The Used

Sorted by artist, the first and last songs:
Bartender - (Hed)P.E.
Yeah! New York - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Sorted by album, the first and last songs:
The Ataris - ...Anywhere But Here
Matchbox 20 - Yourself Or Someone Like You

Top 10 most-played songs:
01. Fall Out Boy - "A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me""
02. Fall Out Boy - Sophmore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year
03. Fall Out Boy - Snitches And Talkers Get Stitches And Walkers
04. Fall Out Boy - The Music Or The Misery
05. Fall Out Boy - Dance, Dance
06. Fall Out Boy - Sending Postcards From A Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here)
07. Fall Out Boy - XO
08. Gym Class Heroes - Cupid's Chokehold
09. Fall Out Boy - Tell That Mick He Just Made My List Of Things To Do Today
10. Cobra Starship - Snakes On A Plane (Bring It)

Top 10 recently played songs:
01. Morrisey - The Father Who Must Be Killed
02. Motion City Soundtrack - The Future Freaks Me Out
03. Lily Allen - Knock 'em Out
04. My Chemical Romance - You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison
05. The Hush Sound - Tides Change
06. Pink - Hooker
07. My Chemical Romance - Dead!
08. My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words
09. My Chemical Romance - Teenagers
10. My Chemical Romance - The End

What was the last concert you attended?
Gym Class Heroes

How many people were there?
something like 50-ish i reckon

What bands have you seen in concert the most, and how many times?
Sugarcult - 10, Gym Class Heroes - 9. I seen many bands a ton of times.

Do you have any set lists? From what bands?
Yep, Sugarcult, Jackson, Gym Class Heroes

Are there any CDs in close proximity to you? Which ones?
Gym Class Heroes - As Cruel As School Children, 2 Many DJ's - Songs As Heard On Radio Soulwax pt2, Horrorpops - Hell Yeah

What band are you in the mood to see live right this second?
Sugarcult, Horrorpops, Rancid, Fall Out Boy, Social Distortion. Any of those would be rather nice.

Have you ever been on a tour bus?
Yep

Have you ever partied with a band?
Yep

How many states/provinces have you been to concerts in?
Pretty much the whole length of the UK and then Washington DC too

What bands did you see live the month of May?
The Academy Is..., Fall Out Boy, The Hush Sound, Taking Back Sunday, Hellogoodbye, Eisley, Me First And The Gimme Gimmes, Goldfinger

What CD are you addicted to at the moment?
Dashboard Confessional - Dusk And Summer
Lily Allen - Alright Still
Arma Angelus - Where Sleeplessness Is Rest From Nightmares
Leftover Crack - Fuck World Trade
Sugarcult - Lights Out
My Chemical Romance - The Black Parade

Who is one band that you used to like, but now you can't stand?
I don't think there are any bands i feel that way about.

Have you ever been on anyone's guest list? Who's?
Yep, Sugarcult, gym class heroes, fleeing from finales, failsafe/the riverclub

Last band person that you got a picture with?
the entiriety of Gym Class heroes and Fleeing From Finales. Wins

Do you consider yourself a groupie?
fuck no.

How old were you when you went to your first concert?
11

Who was it?
boy-fuckin-zone!!

What bands haven't you seen yet that you want to see?
The Living End, God Awfuls, Halifax, MXPX, Brand New, Courtney Love, Head Automatica, Refused, Stray Cats, River City Rebels

Are you wearing a band shirt right now?
Have my sugarcult zip up on. That counts right

What band do you own the most merch of?
Close between Sugarcult and Fall Out Boy

What song is on your myspace right now?
Arma Angelus - To Feel No More Bitterness Forever

Have you ever met that band?
nope

Do you ever do anything crazy at shows?
Sometims just much drinking, dancing and forced "fangirling" takes place.

What are your favorite venues to go to shows at?
Birmingham academy 2 cause its a dive but its my dive, luminarie - London, Stoke Sugarmill, Oxford Zodiac, 9:30 Club - Washington DC

What band do you have the most performance pictures of?
Yet another close, close call between Sugarcult and Fall Out Boy

Would you ever get a tattoo representing a band?
I have many already. My 22 are all pretty much band orientated. Wins.

How many concerts do you average a year?
I dread to think. Way too many but never enought =)

Upcoming shows?
Various My Chemical Romance Shows
Fleeing From Finales
I think thats it

That was fun eh? Killed more time than i expected too. Im hitting the town yet again tonight, can't wait. Im making up for lost time and spending the last year pretty much as close to Straight Edge as i'll ever be. That life style is so not for me.

skabuck @ 2006-08-23T22:45:00

2006-08-23T21:51:07Z

Last night was Panic! at the motherfuckin disco in Wolverhampton. My home town i suppose. I always remember the Civic to be a huge venue. When i get inside, it really isn't that big. There can't be that much difference between that and the civic.
I didn't brave the crowds of children and hung out side stage/propped up the bar most of the night. I kept having flash back though to that venue, the night of my birthday and FOB. I really need to thank them for being so thoughtful and doing that show in my town on the night of ny birthday.

The boys put on a good show. I just really wish they had the $ to spunk away to have brought the Lucent Dossier circus with them. I would have killed to see that. Oh well.
While there were many young, impressionable children there were a few old bastards like me there too. Win!
I came to the conclusion that around 90% of the audience at most shows don't really have a clue. The screams for all the "singles" were insane yet their covers of Radiohead "Karma Police" and Smashing Pumpkins "Tonight Tonight" (to which i did swoon a little hard at) were basically met with silence and people heading out to the bar or bathroom. Honestly. About 20 people out of 2000 singing along. Losers. I fear for this next generation, i really do.

Today doesn't really feel like last night happened. Maybe its because i keep thinking of the MCR show (which i had tickets for but then could not make it! I broke my heart.) and the TBS show in one of the smallest venues in Birmingham. Out of those 3, i think my heart really wanted to go with TBS. Fuckwankage.

Oh well, this weekend it is Reading in all its damp and muddy glory. Bring it! Im in the mood this year to take my sweet time, wander around, see whats happening. Except for when FOB are on as i will then be in teenie stalker fan girl mode screaming for the keyboard player to have my babiez lyke frickin whoaz! Don't laugh, im gonna piss my mate off something wicked with my hyperactive-ness before that moment. It saddens me that i don't know when they'll be back here after that. They've been pretty good to our shores but thats not the point. Im not done yet.

Anyway, in other news, the hairz got cut. I love it but may now actually panic over the state of it at the festival. Complete girl much?

Im rather smitten with it. Its lush if i say so myself. All for £15 too yet another win. Its probably gonna be hidden under my fob hat all weekend though.

I really need to pack and get stuff sorted for heading off tomorrow but i really don't have the motivation right now.
I feel kinda bad too. My mom had an op today and i feel a bit guilty that im not gonna be home to help out and make sure shes ok. She told me to go and have fun though and stop worrying. I can't help it. Only a couple of days though, got at least 6 weeks till she's recovered so there is pleantly of time for me to get tired of this!

Im off to attempt to work out what is going to go well with my cherry red Dr.M's but i don't care about getting caked in mud. HAVEIT!!

Grab your ankles, kiss your ass goodbye

2006-08-21T22:46:58Z

So, i totally saw Snakes On A Plane today. The verdict....

This movie is fan-fuckin-tastic!!! I had a smirk on my face the whole way through. It is damn funny and actually a great and well executed plot despite peoples musings over it before they've even seen it.
There were some gross parts that i wasn't really expecting but most of them come across with humour also. The fact that Samuel L. motherfuckin' Jackson is the man too works in it's favour. I have eternal love for that man! Go and see it (if you are above the age of 15 that is) i beg of you. I wanna see it again so, so bad and probably will.
I did have a little spazz over Gym Class Heroes getting some love during the film. Yes, during the fuckin film!
Oh, and Cobra Starship fans must stay for the credits as the video for the film gets played and its rather wonderful to see that on the big screen and hear it pretty damn loud. You'll probably be the only kids left in there so feel free to sing along.
God, it was just ace like whoa.

Tomorrow i shall be seeing Panic!At The motherfuckin'(sorry, its like a disease now) Disco in the wonderful city that is Wolverhampton. How well does sarcasm travel over the old t'internet? Im stoked though and hoping they bring the whole lush burlesque, circus type stuff with them. I will probably pee a little with excitement if they do. If not i shall be sulking by the bar with a pint like the old bastard that i am.

Before the show im getting my hair cut, woo!! It shall be all lush and wonderfully styled by some fantastically fine yet painfully gay male hairdresser so i can show it off at the show cause yep, im shallow like that. I don't have a clue to wear though.

So this entry is a bit pointless apart from the SOAP rant. Ah well. Something a bit fun that i robbed off Julie cause im lame and like these things!

Put your playlist on shuffle and answer each question with the title of song that appears, even if it doesn't make sense.

How am I feeling today?:
Gym Class Heroes - Its OK, But Just This Once!
Will I get far in life?:
The Used - Blue And Yellow
How do my friends see me?:
Gym Class Heroes - Food For Mic Skills (im guessing its cause of my phenomenal rapping)
Where will I get Married?:
The Living End - The Room
What is my best friend's theme song?:
Sugarcult - Worst December
What is the story of my life?:
Taking Back Sunday - A Decade Under The Influence
What was high school like?:
Kanye West - Gold Digger (so am not!)
How can I get ahead in life?:
The Used - Bullimic
What is the best thing about me?:
Dashboard Confessional - Heaven Here
How is today going to be?:
Tiger Army - Power Of Moonlight (well, it is night time now)
What is in store for this weekend?:
Me First And The Gimme Gimmes - Runaway
What song describes my parents?
Nekromantix - Where Do Monster Go
To describe my grandparents?:
Me First And The Gimme Gimmes - Different Drum
How is my life going?:
The Killers - Believe Me Natalie
What song will they play at my funeral?:
Taking Back Sunday - Bike Scene
How does the world see me?:
Hoobastank - Let You Know
Will I have a Happy Life?:
Sugarcult - Drive All Day
What do my friends really think of me?:
Rancid - Seven Years Down
Do people secretly lust after me?:
Protocol - Beautiful Girlfriend
How can I make myself happy?:
Communique - Black Curses (oooh, magic!!)
What should I do with my life?:
Gym Class Heroes - Petrified Life And The Twice Told Joke (Decrepit Bricks)- (ok im guessing i'll either be too scared to have a life, be a pretty lame comedian or an even worse builder. Yay)
Will I ever have children?:
Alkaline Trio - Fall Victim (Not by choice im guessing!)
What is some good advice for me?:
Pink - Stupid Girls
How Will I be remembered?:
The Used - Lunacy Fringe
What is my signature dancing song?:
Gym Class Heroes - On My Own Time (write on!)
What do I think my current theme song is?:
Good Charlotte - Movin' On
What does everyone else think my current theme song is?:
Transplants - I Want It All
What type of men/women do you like?:
Every Time I Die - Guitared And Feathered (nice!)

Good night all.

*xo*

~